So Thirsty by Rachel Harrison

 "Speculating about alternate fates is a waste of time." - from So Thirsty by Rachel Harrison.

Unfortunately, fellow readers, So Thirsty is also a waste of time.   Be forewarned.  Spoilers are ahead. 

I'm sorry to say this.  Really, I am.  I enjoy a good vampire book as much as the next person.  Heck, I enjoyed the Twilight series way back when it was first published and everyone was reading it.  So when I heard that Rachel Harrison, an author I was unfamiliar with, had written a book described as "bloody" and "seductive" in which two women -- not teens but women -- who were on a girls' birthday weekend get turned into vampires, I was on board. 

So Thirsty started off fine.  It had promise.  Our heroine, Sloane, is fine, if maybe just a bit whiny.  But she is married to an ass, so I'll give her a pass on that.  I won't, however, give her a pass on her constant obsession with wrinkles and aging and Botox, given that she's turning 36 and she's not a model or actor or anything in which turning 36 is supposed to be seen as some death sentence.  Where the book really starts going off the rails, however, is in the character of Sloane's best friend, Naomi.    I have never disliked -- heck, hated -- a character so much in all my reading life.  Naomi is presented as some wild, free spirit but in reality, she's an immature, selfish jerk.  She is supposed to be the same age as Sloane but presents more as a whiny, spoiled teenager.  I understand the whole opposites attract concept but no amount of explanation could convince me that in the real world Sloane and Naomi would ever be friends, much less besties. 

So Naomi supposedly organizes this girls' birthday weekend for Sloane, with help from Sloane's husband.  From the get-go, however,  it's less about Sloane's birthday and more about how Naomi needs to break free and run wild (I guess) because of her stressful (I guess) and unsatisfying (I guess) relationship with her musician boyfriend and her PR job (I guess) for the band.   Because she's so free spirited and fun (i.e., selfish and irresponsible), Naomi meets a guy who invites her to a house party and of course she accepts.  (Clearly Naomi does not watch Dateline or 48 Hours).  Sloane would much rather have a more chill and relaxed birthday celebration but because she's codependent on Naomi and about as assertive as a mouse, she gives in and goes to this party thrown by strangers in a house and town both are unfamiliar with.  What could go wrong? 

Turns out that the party is being thrown by a group of vampires.  Fortunately, these vampires are not blood thirsty and looking to snack on Sloane and Naomi.  Nope, they're just looking to party with drugs and group sex.   Naomi is in (of course she is) and it's one more domino in a chain of bad decisions that Sloane basically enables.  Before you know it, a "bad" vampire has been freed from the basement, noshes on Naomi and Sloane makes the rash and emotional decision to have both of them turned into vampires so that neither of them die.  Once again, what could go wrong? 

This is bad enough but maybe Ms. Harrison could have saved it with more realistic (yeah, I know, vampire book) realizations from Sloane and Naomi about their new existence.  Nope.  Naomi immediately is perfectly fine with being a member of the undead.  Her only issue is that her appetite for life, as Sloane puts it (really, for drugs and sex) has now turned into an appetite for blood.  Despite this, and despite warnings from the friendly neighborhood vampires about how the thirst for blood is particularly strong and bad in new vampires, Sloane and Naomi decide to leave the vampire nest, hit the road for a cabin Naomi's family has and essentially wait it out. 

The rest of the book is the equivalent of a vampire Thelma & Louise on the road with a few bodies left behind because Sloane leaves Naomi unattended (clearly being turned into a vampire did not help with her insight).  Neither Sloane nor Naomi seem to have any feelings whatsoever about killing and frankly, don't seem to take anything seriously.  Honestly, I was wishing that Sam and Dean Winchester would show up and gank both of them.   Too bad that did not happen and I had to endure more pages of their constant whining about being thirsty and how the thirst couldn't be controlled.

It's hard to imagine that a vampire book could be incredibly boring but here it is, literary proof.   I wanted to DNF this book very badly but at the same time, I forced myself to go on because I kept hearing people say wonderful things about the author and the book.  There had to be something, right? 

No, friends, there is not.  I took the bullet on this one so you don't have to.  So Thirsty is not just an incredibly dull book (nothing seductive about it) but it's an insult to female friendships.   Sloane and Naomi's relationship wasn't so much empowering and loyal as it was toxic and dependent.  I finished the book feeling annoyed, angry and overall disgusted.  

I had put Ms. Harrison's The Return on my wish list before picking this book up.  Once I finished So Thirsty, I immediately removed The Return.  I found this book so tedious, so boring, and so off-putting that I've decided Ms. Harrison's writing style is not for me in general.  

Do yourself a favor and give this book a pass.  There are plenty of other vampire/supernatural/paranormal/female friendship books out there that do the subject(s) justice. 

Disclosure:  I borrowed this book from my local library.  My views and opinions are my own.  I was neither paid nor compensated for this review.